See the sofas but get your skates on

Migratory sofas making their way past the Skateboard park this lunchtime, no doubt heading to their spawning grounds in the river.

The Gurn cares about sofas too - stop Sofa cruelty now!

This video proves that sofa cruelty is now an international issue.

Warning this video contains profanity!

First chilling picture of the terror lurking offshore

Thanks to Citizen Steve for alerting Nairn and the world to this menace. Definitely a custard-slice from Asher’s award ceremony in the making here. Keep alert citizens!

Could the Provost help trap the sofa with a few of his tasty pies? The best in the north without doubt and no-one should ever visit Nairn without buying at least £20 worth from his shop on the High Street. Perhaps we could do it as a special attraction at the next Habourfest – as long as we could get Hugh Allison back to organise it and Capercaille to play in a giant marquee again.
Those were the days my friends

Citizen Steve spots new sofa threat

Concerned Nairnite Steve contacted the blog today to forward an alarming picture to our technical department. We hope to soon have picture processed by our able bodied back room boys and girls, if they can finish that tin of Grolsch and get back to work! Please be patient viwers.
But yes, lurking just off shore near our finest bathing beach is the sofa, it can't be seen but it must be there waiting to attack the first people that go for a dip this spring. We know because we have seen ourselfs Steve's dramatic new picture that confirms our worst fears - the sofa is still there. The Highland council should put up warning signs in English and Gàidhlig now!

No Spate - So Sofa stays

Sofa Scandal Day 14

Things must have turned white further up Strathnairn because the water level hardly rose. The furniture stays trapped. Maybe our civic leaders have been reading this blog over the weekend and will spring into action tomorrow morning. Another day passes in the sofa/settee scandal.
Another nondescript February day which finally made a successful effort to rain about three o' clock in the afternoon. It was a 'Groundhog' winter Sunday really, same faces in the paper shop and same sort of headlines designed to stir outrage over the cornflakes. We benefit from longer hours yes but grey skies conspired to deprive us of that benefit today. Another week lies ahead of both us and the pitiful piece of red furniture.

Sofa or settee? Experts baffled! Furniture welfare experts now involved.

Nairn is split over the issue and expert opinion itself is divided as previous comments on the blog show. Hopes are high however, that mother nature will take the matter into her own hands and take the object onwards to its destiny in a spate during the night as the heavy rain runs off the hills.

The longer nothing happens the more danger that the Brighton of the South will win over our tourists.

Sofa - At last picture shows the awful truth

Sofa Scandal Day 11

This blog apologises for technical difficulties that prevented us from bringing you visual evidence of the danger facing us all. Our technical teams were working round the clock consulting html experts throughout the world and scanning all the technical resources the world wide web has to provide. At last the fruits of their long hours of struggle are to be seen on the blog.
The authorities are still failing to act and the only hope now is that David Stewart MP or some aspiring Prospective Parliamentary candidate will don wellies and do something for the community they aspire to represent. Keep on this blog for further breaking news on the sofa this weekend.

Sofa scandal exposes shallow survey shortcomings

Today many citizens woke up to find a ‘Tackling anti-social behaviour survey’ on their dorstep from our MP David Stewart and the MSP Maureen MacMillan. They must think we’re daft. We know that there is an election coming.
‘We would like to receive your comments on how you think we could better tackle crime to make our community a safer place?’ Well Davy ma loon, if you really want to find out what this community needs, you need to take a walk around yourself and get your wellies on and drag that sofa out of the river – then and only then would I come within spitting distance of even thinking about voting for you or the Liberals either no matter how many nice pictures of them standing by the side of the A96 appear in the local press. Politicians, please treat us as intelligent human beings. Let's here you admit about the stuff you've messed up before you start trying to seduce with spin and surveys!

Sofa scandal day 8

How long must this dreadful sofa be tolerated and how much longer will the authorities fail to act.? Already a plastic chair was attracted to the same area the other day. This menace is a threat to us all. When will we have any action from the fragments that are left of our once powerful(allegedly) area committee? Bring back the days of Nairn District Council, that's what I say. Meg Anderson and Chrissie Ellen would have stopped this developing porblem in its tracks.

The good old days are gone now and our city fathers are a mere shawdow of their formidable forerunners. Something will have to be done before a vigilante group is formed and innocent sofas suffer for the reckless actions of this evil piece of furniture. Are our representatives only interested in the furniture at Glen Urquart Road - how can anyone sit on their backside while this is going on.

Think globally, gurn locally - phone your councillor now!

Shameless sofa soaks up Saturday sunshine.

There it was, an absolute disgrace, just basking in the long-awaited sunshine. Resplendent after it’s escape into the wild, mocking the good citizens of Nairn as they passed. How much more can we take from this out-of-control sofa? There is no respect from furniture any more, why aren’t the police doing anything? They must act before it is too late and all our sofas stop listening to us and all take up these dreadful kind of inner-city habits. Too much pandering to wet liberal soft furnishing designers that’s what’s wrong with our country today.

Lost your sofa?

Anyone woke up to find their sofa is gone? There is a big bright red sofa sitting in the middle of the river just upstream of the A96 bridge (the only bridge a car can go across to be more precise), this is your last chance to get it back as the river is rising fast today and your sofa will soon be away to start a new career on the old bar.